How to Make a Lady Feel Good

Flattery. 
Laughter. 
Kindness.

My friend Will wants me to be his cougar. It's hard to refrain, given that he's really cute and awesome. He's my friend's little brother though, so that makes it a little easier (as does his being 13 years younger than me). And living really far from him.

He sent me a totally unexpected present today. He was going to send me a gazelle head thing he made (he's an artist), but couldn't. Here's his letter:

Dear [Tammy Pajamas],
I was upset when I couldn't send you the gazelle mask. You being the hottest woman I know, I couldn't let you down. So I sent you a few things in its place. First is a super cool print. Second is an even cooler journal. I made the journal from scratch. I know you like documenting what you do via Facebook and the numerous blogs you've started. Now you can document all that cool shit you do in this, or you can use it to write short stories. Maybe your true calling is a romance novelist like Barbara Cartland. You could also use it to write grocery lists in, or draw pictures of what you imagine celebrities' penises look like. The possibilities are endless. Sorry the package doesn't contain a Japanese love pillow. Maybe next time.
Sincerely,
the cutest boy you know in the Dirty Dirty

I mean, shit. A present just because? This funny, adorable letter? The dedication in the journal ("To [TP], the sexiest woman I know")?

Flattery will get you everywhere. Well, almost everywhere.

p.s. I might start drawing celebrity penises, scanning them, and posting them on here.