I Saw a Stranger's Balls Yesterday

Good title for my re-debut (not a word), don't you think? Eye-catching! Mysterious! Etc.!

So yeah, I've been gone for a while. I'm not even going to try to fill you in on what's been happening since my last post. Let's just jump right into things.

I believe I have mentioned that I'm in acupuncture school now (it's great!). Yesterday I went to go intern with/shadow this extremely skilled acupuncturist who came to speak at one of my classes. This guy made a strong impression on me. While outwardly I'm not very dramatic, my inner dialogue can sometimes be a bit hyperbolic. My thoughts about this guy were, "This man is going to change my life," and "This man is going to make me cry every time I talk to him." The former because he's amazing (he's found 13 tumors that MDs have missed!), the latter because he himself is prone to crying when talking about emotional things and I can't not cry if someone's being sincerely emotional and weepy. Then I talked to him on the phone a bit to schedule the whole thing and he scared me a little bit. He said the three rules were 1) have fun, 2) learn, and 3) no leaning. I LEAN ALL THE TIME.

I went out to the Valley and... I just realized this story could be really long and you probably don't want to hear the minutiae, so let me just get straight to the nuts.
Usually when you have a first time patient, you talk to them a little bit, figure out what you're going to do, and then tell them to change into a gown or some shorts or whatever. Dr. M. was seeing one of his patient's boyfriends for knee pain for the first time. We walked into the room and dude was already stripped down to his boxers, ready to go. They weren't really ballooning boxers, but neither were they boxer briefs. Kind of short, loose ones. With those red London double-decker buses on them. Dr. M. went to work, testing this guy's range of motion and flexibility. I kept moving around, trying to stay out of the way and get a good look. When I moved down to the guy's feet, I got a way better look than I meant to.
It's weird seeing someone's balls when you aren't expecting it. Also, I, like most girls, don't really pay attention to balls a lot. I mean, I try to pay attention to whether or not a dude likes his balls played with and in what manner (in my experience, this varies A LOT), but if some testes/scrotum pair committed a crime and I was forced to identify them in a line up, I would fail miserably. But when you accidentally see someone's balls, they're sort of seared in your mind. Also, it's hard to act natural. My first instinct was to whip my head in the other direction, but then I realized that I was supposed to be watching, so I looked back and just tried to not let my eyes wander. Did he know I could see his nuts? Was it drafty? He didn't seem to mind.

Enough about the balls though. Dr. M. and I hung out til 10 pm! He rules! He's part mentor, part teacher, part shrink, and part dude friend. I usually have one or two straight male friends that I talk to about guys (and they talk to me about girls). Kind of nitty gritty details, if you know what I mean. I only have 0.5 such friends at the moment. Felipe (not his name!) is only half of one because he has a GF now and you kind of have to tone down that sort of thing when you're involved (Felipe would maybe deny he has a GF, but sorry, man, that's pretty much what's going on :) Anyway, Dr. M and I talked about me and then talked about him (he's 55 and recently separated). I should also note that he's a cool man and does not seem like he's 55. He used to hang out with David Bowie and Led Zeppelin! He also told me two stories about guys that were the old guys hanging out with the young girls back in the day and how he's seen BOTH of those men recently and now they're REALLY old and still with younger women (who are in their 40s now). This is one of those guys. Dr. M. is paranoid about being one of these creepy lecherous men, but he's kind of more on the same wavelength as somewhat significantly younger women (I'm saying this; he would probably not say such a thing). Anyway, he's trying to find his way and learn about dating again. He had a flirty text conversation the other day for the first time ever. He was marveling over it. It was cute.

Then he took me to a Chamber of Commerce mixer! I exclaim this because I never thought I'd ever be at a Chamber of Commerce mixer. But there I was and he bought a bottle of wine for the two of us to split. My kind of acupuncturist (I get a lot of shit at school for both my food and booze consumption habits). I hate mingling, BTW, so this was in a way a total nightmare, but half a bottle of wine helped! I just sat in my stool as various weird old men made conversation/hit on me. Also one young (29) guy in a suit. Suits are kinda my kryptonite. Nice slim cut suit at a wedding=hot. Ill-cut suit you're wearing because you just got out of your financial planner job=not hot.
I'm pretty certain all these guys thought I was fucking Dr. M. I could see how people would think that, but he and I almost kind of basically [LOL, nice writing, Tammy] had a conversation about that not happening. Um, that sounds weird, it wasn't that explicit. But we had conversations about people we should not sleep with. I'm glossing over things a bit here, but suffice it to say that I think we're on the same page of mutual admiration but not wanting to touch (or resisting any temptation to touch) the other's privates.
Then we went to his house to feed the stray cats that his ex-wife used to feed. His house is full—FULL—of roosters* because he was born in the year of the rooster. Insert cock joke here. He showed me his closets and I pointed out some shirts that he should never wear if he was going to try to date young, hip women. I was feeling pretty comfortable at this point. Then we went back to his office and I got my shit and left, sort of luxuriating in what a great day it had been and how I'd found another great mentor (already have one!) and new friend. And then I got out of my car to walk to my apartment, looked up in the sky, and saw a shooting star.

THE END :)

* Not live roosters! Figurines and such.